A cop calls Duncan
Cop: Yes sir, can you hear me?
Duncan: Who's speakin'?
Cop: [censored] from the [censored] police department.
Duncan: Do I know ya?
Cop: Well, we're gettin' a lot of r-re-reports in regards to this phone number about phone calls being made aaand we're just trying to see what the deal is sir.
Duncan: This is about the fourth call you've made today.
Cop: Well no, this is the first time that I've called you, sir.
Duncan: No, it's the third one ya' dumb shit.
Cop: Well, what the problem is, is that you...seem to be making, or somebody from your house or from your phone, is making phone calls to people that the, the calls themselves are, uh, somewhat vulgar and, uh, they're making police reports and there contacting us because, uh, apparently the phone number's registered to an address in [censored] and we just wanted to see if we could just get this straightened out without a lot of trouble for everybody involved.
Duncan: (annoyed) Yes, yes...
Cop: Are you here in [censored] or are you somewhere else?
Cop: Ok, where do you live at sir?
Duncan: NO WAY am I gonna give that out to a total stranger.
Cop: Do what?
Duncan: That's none of your fuckin' business!
Cop: Ok ... well I guess what I need to advise you is that some of the phone calls have allegedly made ... have crossed state lines which makes it a federal offense aaand if we have to go to the trouble of issuing a search warrant to obtain your subscriber information to your phone then we will be forwarding those charges out to the different state agencies. And this is a minor deal right now in so much as when I say minor if you tell me you'll quit then everything's fine.
Cop: That means you'll never hear anything from us again. But if these phone calls CONTINUE then you can expect at some point in the next 30 days or so somebody'll come knockin' on your door.
Cop: So hey this is the deal. What's goin' on?
Cop: Now, now, now I understand that there's a reason for everything right? And, and I don't know why this stuff's occurin' but I know that people are callin' us and makin' incident reports sayin' "Hey, these people keep callin' us, and cussin' us out, and this, that and the other...and we don't KNOW these people, ok?" Well, there, there therin lies the problem. We need to see if we can get this to stop. I mean you wouldn't want nobody to call YOU all the time. I mean you just got through telling me that this is the first time that I've called you but I haven't called you today.
Cop: I mean this is the first time me and you has talked.
Duncan: That's what I'm talkin' about!
Cop: Ok. So is, is somebody callin' you and givin' you are hard time?
Cop: Who, who is it? Do ya' know?
Duncan: That little stupid son of a bitch has been prank callin' me for six months.
Cop: What phone numbers are they callin' you from?
Duncan: I don't know!
Cop: Uh, are you, are you, uh, do you have, uh, are you not writin' 'em down? Because if someone is prank callin' YOU we'll be more than happy to try and find out who it is so we can get all this stuff stopped. (long pause) 'Cause I agree with ya' it's annoying as all get out whenever somebody keeps screwing with you over the phone.
Cop: So if you, if you'll do me a favor and write those phone numbers down and call me with 'em I'd be more than happy to try and find out whose callin' you. (pause) Ok?
Cop: Ok. And what was your name again, I'm sorry?
Duncan: This is Frank Garr-
Cop: My name's [censored]. Frank? Ok, well ... alright if you'll write those phone numbers down, do you have a pen handy and I'll give you my phone number.
Cop: It's, uh, [censored]..oh I'm sorry, let me give you my office phone number. [censored]. And that's [censored] police department.
Cop: So if you could go ahead and write those numbers down and call me, and give me a list of those numbers, we'll be more than happy to backtrack 'em for ya' and see what we can get straightened out for ya'.
Duncan: You have a good day.
Cop: Alright, you too. Thank you, sir. [*hangs up*]
[End of call]
- TheGoldenPhone2 - A cop calls Duncan on YouTube